So, I haven't posted in quite some time. Haha, I don't know. Maybe it just seems that way. Truth is there is just a lot going on. One minute I'm fine. Smiles and laughs and meloncholy thoughts miles away. But the next moment it's all on top of me. Crushing me. So dark that there's not a point in looking up, because it'll be just as black. Stuck in telling myself "someday things will be different". True, someday they probably will be, but not if I don't do anything. The problem is...I don't know where to start. Anyways, things will get better soon. After this heartbreak is gone (if it ever goes) I can get ten times better. Guys....sigh.
Off of that way too honest topic, we jump right to another. God? Yeah, I believe he's real. Yes, I believe he loves his children passionately. Yes, I believe he's the living and only God. Yes, I believe he's forgiven us all. But maybe...not me? Maybe so. But he shouldn't. How can I possibally keep coming back to him if I know I'm only going to hurt him again? If I know I'm destined to fall? I don't know. I love him, he's my perfect daddy and protector. But I'm just not feeling so protected anymore. Like the prodigal son...before he came home. Maybe the prodigal son stood and watched from a distance because he felt so awful and afraid. But afraid of what? That's the real question.
On a happier note: I'm still writing, delving into music, and living. Those are three blessing. A fourth is family. And a great one is friends.
No comments:
Post a Comment