Well, today the air is crisp and the leaves are falling. The sun is streaming through my living room window and I'm talking to some of my closest friends. Drop In the Ocean by Ron Pope is playing in the background. And most of all, my deep discontent has chipped away with last nights freezing temperatures.
It's always strange for me to stop for a second and find that I can still breathe and smile at the smallest things. Life is and always will be filled with cruel circumstances, but those are small and in between if we focus on all of the blessings. The breeze through the leaves causing rays of light to dance and new colors to be unsheathed. The cold temperatures that allow us to appreciate the warmth of a hug, of being inside with loved ones, or the crowded spaces that previously annoyed us. The jokes, laughs, tears, conversations, and memories made with friends through spats, time together, and events. The expressionate and honest valued people we talk to on Sunday at church, or the conversations that remind us of how great our God is. Remembering promises of salvation through the forgiveness of children to parents- cute and always innocent.
Life is full of everything we think we need, things we want, and the thing we actually need. If only this wasn't so hard to realize sometimes. Sitting here now...I'm just me and that is all I want and need to be right now. I'm enough for myself, and I'm enough for the One who created me. I'm not really sure what has changed today. Nothing spectacular occured at church- actually nothing really touched me. But something is significantly different and I'm so grateful for this peace, rest, and hiatus. This oasis in what has seemed like years of bleak exsistence.Wondering why I'm here, why I remain in a state of constant inner turmoil, and why everyone must leave in the end. Wondering how someone so amazing could love me, and why I was forgiven.
Honestly, to anyone who feel the same I have only a few words of advice. Relax, shut yours eyes and breathe in the air outside. Make time with your friends and family. Forgive whoever hurt you and ask to be forgiven for what you've done. Just give it to God. Enjoy the simplest things today- the beauty of nature, the warmth of the sun, the smile or hug of a loved one, the forgiveness God will ALWAYS give you, and the melody of the life we all live. The world is the lines of music and we play it out loud for others to hear. Even though regrets, suffering, brokeness, guilt, shame, anger, and so many other things will try to rip you away from what you love and who loves you, away from happiness, away from love...there will always be a way back to it. And in the end you will be picked back up and brought to the clouds to see the beauty of everything around you. I can garuntee that God will see you through because if you can't see him, he can see you and when you open your eyes you will see that he has always been there; walking beside you and carrying you over broken glass, shards of your heart, pain from the past, and valleys in which you fell just to bring you back to prior hope. If I can feel the way I do now, if I'm still alive after my past, and if I've been forgiven then I promise that you can too.
It's never too late for anyone. Don't believe that lie. Remember, there is always someone who loves you; even if you cannot love yourself.
Thanks for reading.
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