Time is just flying by. Pressing forward, moving on and on. It has no rest, yet it never get tired. Instead it tires those who try to hold it. Time is flying by, and I'm sitting stagnant. Yes, it is my fault for being immobile. I cannot find the motivation for anything. I cannot see the point in anything. I'm not depressed, nor happy. Just....nothing. And it's a terrible, cold, and lonely nothing. People are around me and I can see them, but I still feel alone. Because no ones knows....because no one understands. Because I can't trust.
I feel as though I should mention God again, because that's why I originally created this blog....haha, what a miserable fail that was. Anyways, my relationship with God is destroyed. I'm addicted to things he despises, shameful things. And I am ashamed. Too ashamed to fix my relationship with him. I'm slipping away so quickly. I don't recognize myself anymore...and that really scares me. How am I supposed to go forward in life without a purpose, without an identity, without...anything worthwhile? I don't know how to cope with such uncertainty and hopelessness.
I just need something that I can't find here. So why should I stay?
I understand things will most likely change in the future...so, I just need something or someone to get me through this current suffering. I can't do it alone. I simply don't have the strength....
And I'm falling faster each day....
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