I Just Want To Be Gone.

I just want to be gone....

I'm not even sure of why I'm here anymore. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. And I sure as hell don't see the point in trying anymore. I only fall, only fail. I'll never amount to anything, I'll never be good enough. I simply am not enough. Worthless. Useless. Pathetic. I am a bother to everyone around me by simply being alive. None of them would ever say that (of course not, they're nice people) but I still know that I am. I honestly just want to melt into the floor, fade into the background....disappear. It's so....painful for me, being around people or talking to them. I'm already so aware of how fat and disgusting I am without having to worry about other people having to bare looking at me. I shouldn't be here anymore. I really shouldn't....
                It'd be so damn easy to let go. To just give into my urge to cut, my desire to die. I already gave into the prior a few days ago. Only a small slip...but that could change within an hour.
                All I see on this post is the word "I". Guess that is just another thing I can I add to the list of reasons to hate myself (and believe me, it's already a very long list)-selfishness.

I just want to be gone....I can't do this much longer.

And I'm not sure if that scares me or lightens my mood....It's almost comforting.

I'm just so tired....I'm done fighting. I have nothing left anymore except this...numbness.